Effer Tracking System

Brad had to keep me out of the house for an hour after the BUG MAN EFFER sprayed the inside of our house for the insane ANT EFFERS. I tell you, so many effers, so little time. I am getting too many effers in my life to keep track of. I need an effer tracking system or something.

Anyway, the Big Red Dog that walks around the park has started to look a little too cocky. I can't have that. It is complete bull. No one steals my thunder and gets away with it. Since my congestive heart failure kicks in from time-to-time, Brad had to stop for me to have a break during our walk today. Well, on one of those breaks, Big Red Dog trots by like "Hey, hey, hey, look at me, I am young and virile and full of energy, I own this park." Boiled my blood. I mustered up all of the energy I had, and let that bastard have it when he walked by. Scared him to death. He didn't think this old dog had it in him, but I did, oh yes, I did. Big Red Dog had to find himself a little spot to pee afterward, just like an over-excited cocker spaniel.

The Bugman Effer

As of today, I have a new effer in my life: meet The Bugman Effer. He is an old man, just like me. I kind of like him. I can tell a good man when I meet one. Still, in all, I can't let my guard down. For now, he is The Bugman Effer, and when he comes to spray our house with his hostile chemicals, I will bark my fool head off like he is the Orange Effer Himself!

Our kitchen was overrun with ants. The ants even got in my dog bowl, which is unacceptable. How am I supposed to keep my nutrition up? At this point in my life, I need all of the help I can get to stay in shape to fight off the Orange One.

I like to get treats when I go outside and come back in. I do my business, kick my back legs up, and run back into the house and head straight for the pantry cabinet. Now that the air is colder outside, I thought I had an excellent idea to get my treats without having to get cold. Stick my nose out the door, turn around, and head straight to the pantry. Great idea in my book! Not so much in Brad's. He hasn't fallen for it yet, but I am still working on him. He isn't as easy to train as he used to be.