Another Trash Can, Another Victory!

Julie got a new trash can. This is the third one in the past year. I just don't know what it is going to take for her to get it through her thick head that I can get into any trash can on the market. It all boils down to the simple fact that I have time on my side.

The reason I have so much time, is that Orange Effer hasn't been spotted lately. I think he joined a street gang to be honest with you. The next time I see the Orange One, he is going to be wearing a bandana around his head and a wife beater and baggy jeans. Gangs are an epidemic in the central valley you know.

Brad is watching Deadliest Catch. He says it is too hot for me to go for a walk. Exsqueeze me? I am from the desert. I was born in Lake Havasu on a hot summer day in July. Do I like the heat? No. HOWEVER, I get really ticked if I don't get my walk, because I need to keep my presence known in the neighborhood. Dogs walk by my house and slow down and look for me. I am a badass and they know it, and fear it. If I could thump my chest right now, I would.

Wanted Dead or Alive: ORANGE EFFER

I huffed and puffed my way around the park tonight. It stinks to get old. I am still shiny coated and magnificent, no matter what the age! I am, however, 13 years old this June, and that is old in dog years. I fall a lot these days too. Hopefully Orange Effer is not watching me when I do. I don't want to give him any more smugness than he already has! He is one smug effer to be perfectly honest with you. Perhaps you have picked that up for yourself by reading this blog, but I still have to throw it out there if you will.

Last night there were police sirens screeching through our normally peaceful and quiet neighborhood. I really think they were looking for Orange Effer. I do, and do you know why I do? I will tell you why. Orange Effer is a wanted felon. He is wanted in at least 3 states (California, Arizona, and Illinois) for stalking his poor, poor victims to the point of INSANITY.

I am not insane, and I will tell you this, no matter how old I get, I will always have some reserve energy to fight The Effer. Always.

Orange Effer Bottled Water Co.

No sooner did I post my blog entry than did ORANGE EFFER prance by my window. It's like that crazy cat KNOWS my every move! I need to shake off my funk and get back into action, because there is NO WAY I am going to let Orange Effer get one up on me.

The water guy dumped some jugs of water off on our doorstep. I just don't get why this crazy man wants to give us water? I mean, it comes out of the faucet. Does he think Brad and Julie don't know that? That they are ignorant fools? Whatever the case may be, I don't trust him. I think Orange Effer might be trying to poison our water supply. Don't worry, I am not paranoid. I just know what Orange Effer is capable of. As I have said before, never underestimate the enemy.

A REAL Post From the Main Man

First things first, I don't know what was up with that "guest post." Brad pimped my blog out for a lousy $10, and I don't appreciate it. Why doesn't he just let Orange Effer do a guest post? I bet he would for 10 bucks. This is HOWARD the Dog Blog. Me! My blog dagnabit!

Well, as you can see, I am up to my eye-balls in everything baby. That baby is kicking back, relaxing, having a bottle, so he can energize himself once again to be up in my mug. I don't like it. I don't like it one bit in fact. He chases after me, and I don't want anything to do with the little Pepe Le Pew.

Babies have caused me to lose my mojo. For all I know, Orange Effer has taken over and set-up his evil empire in my neighborhood. Last night there was a cat fight on the fence, and I just yawned and rolled over. I am exhausted from trying hard, very hard, to keep those babies away from me, when all I want to do is nap and plot my next scheme against the Orange Effer.

Bleach

Authored by Abraham Brewer
When you're feeling in the mood to watch an anime that is just pure action with hardly any story whatsoever, you should check out Bleach on the Cartoon network. Definitely a guilty pleasure of mine. Anytime I feel like zombifying out after a rough day, I just plop onto the couch and check out an episode of Bleach on satalite tv.
The plot follows Kurosaki, Ichigo, a high school teen who has the ability to see dead spirits -- Six Sense anyone? Anyway, he one day encounters a spirit that is being chased by some sort of demon spirit. In his effort to help the spirit, he is badly injured. Just before the demon can finish him off, a soul reaper emerges to take care of the beast. The encount! er with the soul reaper, Kuchiki, Rukia, results in Ichigo being drawn into this world as an honorary soul reaper himself. You basically follow him as he goes through DBZ (Dragon Ball Z) style power levels. Basically he gets beat up by some new power. Next, he undergoes some super secret training. He then becomes almost equal to the new power. Finally, he powers up during the fight to get the win. Afterward this cycle is lathered, rinsed and repeated. It's pure, unadulterated entertainment and I still get a kick after a power up and evil doer beat down.

Cat Fights and Nap Times

Last night there was a cat fight. It happened around 3 a.m. Julie said it almost made her have a heart attack. Me? Well, again, sometimes an old dog has to play on the only leg he's got, so I laid low. I mean, lately, I get threatened with my very existence if I bark during the day when the baby is sleeping. Why on earth would I want to tempt fate and bark like the devil and wake the baby up at 3 in the morning? Why, I'd want to bite my own hotdog off for that!

Yeah, it doesn't matter that those little ones frick with my nap schedule. "Oh no, don't wake the baby up!!" (Insert mocking tone)

How about, "Don't wake Howard up you screeching little monsters!?!" I need my beauty sleep so I can maintain my shiny coated magnificent bastard status!

Bull Hockey

I needed some "me" time today. These kids drive me crazy. The little six month old is starting to crawl. Any day now he'll be after me like little Pepe Le Pew. Today he tried to grab my tail, and Brad caught him just in time. That would not have ended well. If there is one part of me that I do not like messed with, it is my tail. My tail is long and fluffy, and could knock bricks off of tables it is so powerful! My tail is not a teething toy!!! Why, I think I could even behead Orange Effer with my tail!

I decided to take my "me" time outside in the sun. We had some cloud cover, so I just rolled over on my back and watched the clouds float by. I watched the clouds float by while I dreamed of more peaceful times. Times when there was not a 2 year old little diva living at our house. Times when it was just me and Brad and Julie. Those were the days.

Not to worry. My appetite is back. I ate three times today, and the one benefit of having a 2 year old in the house, is that she likes to drop food on me. That I do not mind, however, a few days ago she thought it would be funny to spit her pop-tarts out on my magnificent shiny coat. THAT was bull-hockey, and I will not tolerate it!

PS Black and White Effer, after a long absence, is back. He was right outside my window eyeballing the birds nest. I barked and scared the white right off of him. Bet I won't see him again for awhile.