From my Most Loyal Reader: Howard, what's shaking, haven't heard from you in a while? How they hangin'?Dear Most Loyal Reader,
First, let me say, I'm glad that you care. Second, they aren't hangin'. My owners had them snipped back in the day. In fact, they were so small at the time, the vet told them they basically dissolved. I can't believe I'm divulging this to the internets, but hell, I'm old and it doesn't matter.
I've been bad lately, and it feels great! The only thing that half-way keeps me in line is Brad or Julie threatening me with a bath. I like to stink. What can I say? I'm a stinkdog, and proud of it. It's how I keep my certain badness, and scare the little rat dogs on my walks. I want those pampered pooches to smell me before they see me.
The effer behind me got a new dog house, and Brad made it so that he cannot crawl under the fence anymore. I still growl at him through the fence. It's what I do. Brad feels sorry for him, because his owners are neglectful bastards who don't see to it that the poor guy, I mean effer, gets fresh water on a regular basis. Lately he has been crying through the fence, and it is this sad pitiful cry that tugs on even my heartstrings. Then I have to get up and bark at Brad to let him know to get out there and stick the hose through the fence to give him some water.
Julie says she wants to be me every night before she heads out the door to work. Who wouldn't want to be me I ask you? I live like a King.
Sincerely,
King Howard the First and Only
1 comment:
Howard hi...this site is too good to have one loser like me commenting on it...maybe you can market yourself to get more activity... your coat is nice and shiny...wish my coat was half as shiny...(I'm human, but I can dream, can't I?)...what I most envy is how you guys can roll around in smelly stuff and get away with it!...I live near the beach, and had a dog whose idea of heaven was finding rotting dead sea lions and eating and rolling around in the rotting carcass!...but it sounds like you are softening up toward that effer neighbor dog...your master is a nice guy to give him water under the fence...watch out he may adopt him...great post, keep it up! (p.s., mine haven't been snipped...(yet, keeping all options open)
Post a Comment