The Cone Is Off!

I have to say that I am one happy sonofaB to have my cone off. Oh, did I forget to tell you about that? My bad, but I've been so freakin' happy that I haven't had time to tell my vast fan base, the 4 or so people who read my blog on a daily basis.

I have also been busy protecting my backyard from that nut job who keeps digging under the fence and coming over. WHO does he think he is? My owners are all, "Oh how sad, the poor little guy has to live outside all the time even in the rain and now he is coming to our backyard to sit under the tree while it rains."

Boo.

Hoo.

Hoo.

I do NOT feel sorry for him.

I don't.

MAYBE if he had not torn his dog house down he would have somewhere to stay dry.

The FedEx Effer

You know, this FedEx Effer is everywhere. He was in Santa Barbara, Arizona, Illinois, and now northern California. He is one sonofa B. KNOCKS on my door, drops a package, and runs off like the effer he is. What kind of company is FedEx running? Knocking and running is not, I repeat not, good customer service. It is a prank. Couldn't he at least hang around, get to know me, and let me sniff his ass? Nothing personal, I just want to know what he had for lunch and get a sense of his worthiness to be on my doorstep. Is that asking too much? I think not.

Nut

You wanna hear something funny? This guy lives outside almost all of the time. He is a peaceful neighbor and in the six months I've lived in my new house, I've never had the occasion to fight with him through the fence like the new dog who moved in next door a little over a month ago. You know what this dog did between yesterday afternoon and this morning? He tore his dog house down! Down like the big bad wolf huffed and puffed it down. I'm not showing any signs of weakness or anything, but he makes me nervous. What kind of nut job tears his own house down? An unstable nut job, that's who. Plus he has the balls to dig into my backyard and stand there like nobody's business. I think I've met my match. I'm gonna leave him alone.

He is like the guy whose neighbors always say, "He was a quiet man," right after he has been arrested for a murdering rampage!

New! Anonymous Commenting!

If you want to hide like this 'effer (see the story below) you are more than welcome to leave anonymous comments on my blog. Just don't be rude or I'll bite your hotdog off.

An Unwelcome Visitor

Hmmm....what is this hole in my backyard?

Look...a dog! A neighbor dog who thinks he can come into MY backyard? He needs a reality check.

He must have been playing truth or dare with the other neighbor dog, and took the dare to come into my backyard. At least he is sensible enough to hide tail and run when I come chasing him. Cone or no cone on my head...I mean business.


P.S. I went to the vet again today, and still have the friggin' cone on my head. Next check on my ear is Tuesday.

This is Where Being a Bad Ass Will Get You

Taken after the veterinary assistant took my RECTAL temperature!

A picture of the measuring cup for my new diet, and the muzzle that they tried to put on me because evidently I am a potential "fear bitter." I got that muzzle off in no time. HUH! What now beeyotches?!?

This is not happening to me...I am having a nightmare...I will wake up soon.

IV site.

All was going along as any other normal day. Brad and Julie got up and got ready for the day. Brad let me outside while Julie took her sweet time getting ready. We took a walk around the park and I did my morning business. We come back to the house and Julie is putting a sheet in the back seat of the car, and I'm thinking, "road trip!" I was so happy...I love going places! We all get in the car and head down the road 2 miles only to turn into this ranch looking place. Picture me saying, "Ohhhh...sshhhoooottt..." in very slow motion.

I. was. at. the. vet.

Turns out my fighting the new neighbor's dog through the fence got me what they call an "aural hematoma" or a bleed in the ear flap for all you non-medical types like me. I had to have surgery to remove the blood collecting in my ear flap, and when I woke up from the anesthesia, son-of-a-biscuiteater if my ear was not stitched to my very own head. They shaved my head and stitched my ear to it! Can you believe that bastard who calls himself a vet and looks and sounds like Ceasar Milan the Dog Whisperer?

To add insult to injury I've been walking around with a hood on my head ever since, and Dr. Dog Whisperer says I need to lose weight so Brad and Julie are all up in that business and being all hardcore with my eating.

What on earth did I do to deserve this worst week ever?

Pray for me.

Those damn kitties put a hex on me.

I'm hungry.

Send snacks.

Hound Dog