Shamrock Effer

Brad was describing to Julie a new cat in the neighborhood. A big fat cat who waddled right by me in the park on our nightly walk. Brad described this effer to Julie as having green stripes. Keep in mind that Brad is color blind and the portly effer actually had brown stripes, but in this St. Patrick's Day season, we shall refer to him as Shamrock Effer. He is Shamrock Effer, because he is one lucky effer that I did not tie his tail into a knot and make a four leaf clover out of the end of it!

Orange Effer, Blowing in the Wind

My effer war rages on. Orange Effer is as deadly in his tactics as ever. He has taken to chasing critters in my backyard. You can imagine how I deal with such shenanigans. I don't. I let loose my meanest, fiercest, and craziest bark I can. I am the Orange Effer of the dog world. Did I just say that? Yes I did, and I will tell you why. I have a lot of respect for my enemy. He is clever and annoying in a very precise way. He knows exactly which buttons of mine to push, and he pushes them with finesse. Who can deny his talent? Certainly not me. That being said, his orange ass is mine, and one day soon, I will take a big chunk out of it. Stay tuned.

The wind around here has been great. I love the wind. It heightens my senses and brings new and exciting vigor to my day. Julie doesn't like it because it jacks up her hair, and Brad doesn't like it because it goes right through his bones. My fur, however, looks magnificent blowing in the wind, and keeps me nice and cozy warm, so I say, bring on the wind!!!

South Park Really Is About Animals

Our favorite show about animals is South Park. The show featuring a family and a talking dog who is a part of the family is my most favorite show to watch on satellite television from http://www.directstartv.com/. Who can not be charmed by a dog who at one time took the part of the wife's lover when her husband had disappeared for some reason. The show is not really meant to be take seriously which is why accepting the talking, thinking, lover substitute dog is almost natural in our new age way of thinking. There is also something to be said about animals rights when watching South Park. The dog is obviously an animal. The dog wears no clothing. When the dog goes to the office, the show puts a tie on him. The dog walks like a person but looks like a dog. The situation is remarkable.

Few people might really comprehend the significance of the dog on South Park who has human qualities. The dog also eats at the table with the family and used silverware. Actually, I love watching South Park as the one animal show that tries to make people aware of how much they have turned their pets into people.

State of the Union

Here in the United Kingdom of Howard, we don't need to worry about unemployment, spending, deficits, and so on. No, no my friend! We have other issues to worry about. Operation Backyard Storm is on a stand still for a couple of days. I need to re-strategize in the absence of Deuce Jr. Junior may have been a thorn in my side, but he lived outside 24/7, and he helped alert me to Orange Effer's deadly game of taunting and torture.

P.S. I think Deuce Jr. was arrested. The police were in front of his house, and lights were flashing after his romp in the park last night. At least he'll get "3 eats and sheets" for now.

Special Ops

Operation Backyard Storm has moved out into the park. A terrorist cell created by the known and feared Deuce Jr. was frolicking in the park amongst the children, scaring adults and babies alike. I, Howard, had to put a stop to such covert activities. All the training I have been doing with Oreck finally paid off. Brad backed me up by calling in Animal Control, but I kept the situation stable until they got here.

Operation Backyard Storm

Lately the cats have been craping in my backyard flower beds. I go out there and sniff around and quite honestly it chaps my hide. My kingdom is not to be crapped on by a bunch of effers! I will not have it and plan to initiate Operation Backyard Storm. Orange Effer + Calico Effer = Osama Bin Laden + Saddam Hussein.

Toby Keith better write a song about this one.

Before I get started, however, I need a nap!

Orange Deliciousness

Happy New Year. Damn neighbors need to take down their Christmas lights. It is getting past the "acceptable" period to leave lights up. I bet Douce Jr.'s family will leave their Christmas decor up all year. They seem like the type. Lazy and unkempt.

Do you know what else they are? Orange. Effer. Interlopers. I say this, because I was riding in the car past Douce Jr.'s house and lo and behold but who should be sitting on the front porch like only a porch kitty could, but Orange "the damn kitty" Effer! I about lost my mind with blind hot rage. Brad had to threaten me with a bath to pull me out of my madness. It was nearly a scene as I attempted to jump out the window at 30 mph!

I would have too. When I saw that orange furry tail scamper away, I had a sudden craving for cheetos, oranges, and carrots. Anything orange sounded mighty delicious to me.