Monday, December 29, 2008

Mandog


I'm slightly disturbed. As I was looking for pictures of my own handsome mug, I come across this! I could not believe my own eyes. There are also pictures of sheep, pigs, rabbits, and chickens. Brad has the whole damn barnyard on his SD card.

Sonofa B.

Next thing you know he'll be snapping pictures of cats.

I'm a mandog. I will not stand for this from Brad!

Grinches

My Hometown

I was trying to find a picture of my own handsome mug, but Brad is one aerial and scenic picture taking fool. He has SD cards littered with tons and tons of aerials and scenic pictures of Lake Havasu. Don't you think I should be his choice subject?

Whatever.

Santa didn't bring me squat for Christmas. I keep hearing Fox News yammer on about the economy, and it must be bad because I didn't even get a damn chew bone or squeaky toy. Hello people? Petco isn't only a place where the pets go. Humans can go there too. Yes, I know I am getting old and don't play with toys much anymore and don't like to chew on bones either, but it is the thought that counts!

Bastards.

Tuesday, December 23, 2008

I'll Bite Your Hotdog Off!


One year at Christmastime, when I was a puppy, and we were making the arduous 8 hour drive from Lake Havasu City, Arizona, to northern California, we stopped at a rest stop along the way on Interstate 40. I got out of the car like the crazed maniac I was at the time, and these two little Mexican boys looked pretty damn interesting to me. I had to sniff them and see if I could get them to play with me.

One of those little bastards had the nerve to tell the other, "Be careful, or he'll bite your hotdog off!"

Wha? Huh? Shut-up! I wouldn't bite their hotdogs off! But it was at that tender age that I realized the power I had. The power to intimidate! Muwhahhaaahhaaa!!!!

Don't get me wrong, I do have my soft side, and I am gentle with old and little people alike (when Brad tells me to be nice), but I love nothing more than to run out of the garage like freakin' Cujo and scare the living daylights out of the little white dog who gets to go for walks every morning. I just stop at the edge of the drive and laugh and laugh and laugh. Brad spanks me for it, but it doesn't hurt. Now he puts me on a leash so I can't do it anymore, but I get a good chuckle from the memories, and that little white dog still walks by our house with trepedation and fear in his eyes.

Just some Christmas cheer from me to you to warm your heart.

Merry Christmas,
Howard

Monday, December 22, 2008

Sickening


This just sickens me. What kind of sick brainwashing has been done to this poor dog? I, Howard, would never stand for such non-sense. Next thing you know he is going to be in a picture with the bug man, UPS guy, and the FedEx effer.

Thursday, December 18, 2008

My Best Judgement

Hello, I am Howard's mom. Allow me to take over his blog for a post to describe to you the essence of Howard. I have his number, let me tell you. If Howard were a human, he would be an A-hole. Straight up. At this point in his years, he is a crotchety, demanding, old man.

I love this dog and will miss him dearly when his days are over. Howard and I have been through thick and thin. He is truly a best friend. When we lived in Lake Havasu and Brad would leave for 3 days at a time to go work in Santa Barbara, I asked him, "What would you think if I got a dog?" To which Brad replied, "Use your best judgement." Best judgement, meet Howard.

I picked Howard out from this litter of cute pups at the Western Arizona Humane Society, where I saw dog after dog who needed a home. It was heartbreaking. I wanted to gather them all up and take them with me, but that would have been poor judgement and I promised Brad that I would use my "best judgement." So I picked Howard up and took him home with me, and on the ride home he clung to me for dear life. This cute little black puppy who fit in the palm of my hand, and spent his first nights in a laundry basket by our bed.

I had a best friend and a protector right from the beginning. Brad was away in Santa Barbara for the first two days of Howard's new life. I remember the bug man coming by to spray, who Howard took an immediate disliking to. He also disliked the man who lived behind us, and the UPS man, the Postman, and the FedEx man. However, when Brad showed up and he and Howard laid eyes on each other it was love at first sight! The heavens opened up, and choirs of angels sang Amazing Grace. I was dethroned as number 1 in Howard's eyes.

Howard was a bastard from day one. He really was. He has never been a cuddly dog, unless he is sad. People would try to pet him and he'd dodge them with his head. One thing he was good about was that he never really tore anything up. Well, one thing. The bed in the guest room had a box spring with a tear in the lining underneath that allowed Howard to crawl up in it and hide. Trying to get him out was a chore. He would run to the other end of the bed and Brad and I would have to try to herd him back to the hole where he would proceed to bite and growl at us.

Fast forward throughout the years and our move to Illinois. Howard loved Illinois and the fact that backyards did not have fences like they do here in the west. Howard would watch his neighbor dog friends for hours, and the cats, bunnies, and squirrels. There was one dog who always seemed to have one of those lamp shade collars around his neck. I swear Howard laughed at that dog like the judgemental bastard he is. Well, it backfired on him, because he ended up with one of those on after surgery to remove a lipoma (fatty tumor) from his abdomen. I know that dog looked over at Howard and in their dog language said, "paybacks a bitch!"

Howard is now living in northern California, and his political incorrectness sticks out like a sore thumb. He is not a tolerant neighbor. In fact he has all of the dogs who walk in the park across the street scared to death of him. There is one little white, Benji looking dog, who walks with an elderly man every morning. When this dog sees me pull in the driveway as I get home from work, he stops in his tracks and stares like, "Oh bleep...I hope that fat black dog doesn't come charging out of that garage like freakin' Cujo. If he does you're on your own old man!"

Good or bad, we love Howard. He may be a bastard, but he is our bastard. We love you boy. Here's to all the times Brad had to sit on top of you and hold you down to make you mind.

Monday, December 15, 2008

Relaxing


Why am I resting under the Christmas tree you ask? Because I'm Howard, the best damn Christmas gift ever. Take that you evil kitty cats.