State of the Union

Here in the United Kingdom of Howard, we don't need to worry about unemployment, spending, deficits, and so on. No, no my friend! We have other issues to worry about. Operation Backyard Storm is on a stand still for a couple of days. I need to re-strategize in the absence of Deuce Jr. Junior may have been a thorn in my side, but he lived outside 24/7, and he helped alert me to Orange Effer's deadly game of taunting and torture.

P.S. I think Deuce Jr. was arrested. The police were in front of his house, and lights were flashing after his romp in the park last night. At least he'll get "3 eats and sheets" for now.

Special Ops

Operation Backyard Storm has moved out into the park. A terrorist cell created by the known and feared Deuce Jr. was frolicking in the park amongst the children, scaring adults and babies alike. I, Howard, had to put a stop to such covert activities. All the training I have been doing with Oreck finally paid off. Brad backed me up by calling in Animal Control, but I kept the situation stable until they got here.

Operation Backyard Storm

Lately the cats have been craping in my backyard flower beds. I go out there and sniff around and quite honestly it chaps my hide. My kingdom is not to be crapped on by a bunch of effers! I will not have it and plan to initiate Operation Backyard Storm. Orange Effer + Calico Effer = Osama Bin Laden + Saddam Hussein.

Toby Keith better write a song about this one.

Before I get started, however, I need a nap!

Orange Deliciousness

Happy New Year. Damn neighbors need to take down their Christmas lights. It is getting past the "acceptable" period to leave lights up. I bet Douce Jr.'s family will leave their Christmas decor up all year. They seem like the type. Lazy and unkempt.

Do you know what else they are? Orange. Effer. Interlopers. I say this, because I was riding in the car past Douce Jr.'s house and lo and behold but who should be sitting on the front porch like only a porch kitty could, but Orange "the damn kitty" Effer! I about lost my mind with blind hot rage. Brad had to threaten me with a bath to pull me out of my madness. It was nearly a scene as I attempted to jump out the window at 30 mph!

I would have too. When I saw that orange furry tail scamper away, I had a sudden craving for cheetos, oranges, and carrots. Anything orange sounded mighty delicious to me.