Mandog

I'm slightly disturbed. As I was looking for pictures of my own handsome mug, I come across this! I could not believe my own eyes. There are also pictures of sheep, pigs, rabbits, and chickens. Brad has the whole damn barnyard on his SD card.

Sonofa B.

Next thing you know he'll be snapping pictures of cats.

I'm a mandog. I will not stand for this from Brad!

Grinches

My Hometown

I was trying to find a picture of my own handsome mug, but Brad is one aerial and scenic picture taking fool. He has SD cards littered with tons and tons of aerials and scenic pictures of Lake Havasu. Don't you think I should be his choice subject?

Whatever.

Santa didn't bring me squat for Christmas. I keep hearing Fox News yammer on about the economy, and it must be bad because I didn't even get a damn chew bone or squeaky toy. Hello people? Petco isn't only a place where the pets go. Humans can go there too. Yes, I know I am getting old and don't play with toys much anymore and don't like to chew on bones either, but it is the thought that counts!

Bastards.

I'll Bite Your Hotdog Off!

One year at Christmastime, when I was a puppy, and we were making the arduous 8 hour drive from Lake Havasu City, Arizona, to northern California, we stopped at a rest stop along the way on Interstate 40. I got out of the car like the crazed maniac I was at the time, and these two little Mexican boys looked pretty damn interesting to me. I had to sniff them and see if I could get them to play with me.

One of those little bastards had the nerve to tell the other, "Be careful, or he'll bite your hotdog off!"

Wha? Huh? Shut-up! I wouldn't bite their hotdogs off! But it was at that tender age that I realized the power I had. The power to intimidate! Muwhahhaaahhaaa!!!!

Don't get me wrong, I do have my soft side, and I am gentle with old and little people alike (when Brad tells me to be nice), but I love nothing more than to run out of the garage like freakin' Cujo and scare the living daylights out of the little white dog who gets to go for walks every morning. I just stop at the edge of the drive and laugh and laugh and laugh. Brad spanks me for it, but it doesn't hurt. Now he puts me on a leash so I can't do it anymore, but I get a good chuckle from the memories, and that little white dog still walks by our house with trepedation and fear in his eyes.

Just some Christmas cheer from me to you to warm your heart.

Merry Christmas,
Howard

Sickening

This just sickens me. What kind of sick brainwashing has been done to this poor dog? I, Howard, would never stand for such non-sense. Next thing you know he is going to be in a picture with the bug man, UPS guy, and the FedEx effer.

My Best Judgement

Hello, I am Howard's mom. Allow me to take over his blog for a post to describe to you the essence of Howard. I have his number, let me tell you. If Howard were a human, he would be an A-hole. Straight up. At this point in his years, he is a crotchety, demanding, old man.

I love this dog and will miss him dearly when his days are over. Howard and I have been through thick and thin. He is truly a best friend. When we lived in Lake Havasu and Brad would leave for 3 days at a time to go work in Santa Barbara, I asked him, "What would you think if I got a dog?" To which Brad replied, "Use your best judgement." Best judgement, meet Howard.

I picked Howard out from this litter of cute pups at the Western Arizona Humane Society, where I saw dog after dog who needed a home. It was heartbreaking. I wanted to gather them all up and take them with me, but that would have been poor judgement and I promised Brad that I would use my "best judgement." So I picked Howard up and took him home with me, and on the ride home he clung to me for dear life. This cute little black puppy who fit in the palm of my hand, and spent his first nights in a laundry basket by our bed.

I had a best friend and a protector right from the beginning. Brad was away in Santa Barbara for the first two days of Howard's new life. I remember the bug man coming by to spray, who Howard took an immediate disliking to. He also disliked the man who lived behind us, and the UPS man, the Postman, and the FedEx man. However, when Brad showed up and he and Howard laid eyes on each other it was love at first sight! The heavens opened up, and choirs of angels sang Amazing Grace. I was dethroned as number 1 in Howard's eyes.

Howard was a bastard from day one. He really was. He has never been a cuddly dog, unless he is sad. People would try to pet him and he'd dodge them with his head. One thing he was good about was that he never really tore anything up. Well, one thing. The bed in the guest room had a box spring with a tear in the lining underneath that allowed Howard to crawl up in it and hide. Trying to get him out was a chore. He would run to the other end of the bed and Brad and I would have to try to herd him back to the hole where he would proceed to bite and growl at us.

Fast forward throughout the years and our move to Illinois. Howard loved Illinois and the fact that backyards did not have fences like they do here in the west. Howard would watch his neighbor dog friends for hours, and the cats, bunnies, and squirrels. There was one dog who always seemed to have one of those lamp shade collars around his neck. I swear Howard laughed at that dog like the judgemental bastard he is. Well, it backfired on him, because he ended up with one of those on after surgery to remove a lipoma (fatty tumor) from his abdomen. I know that dog looked over at Howard and in their dog language said, "paybacks a bitch!"

Howard is now living in northern California, and his political incorrectness sticks out like a sore thumb. He is not a tolerant neighbor. In fact he has all of the dogs who walk in the park across the street scared to death of him. There is one little white, Benji looking dog, who walks with an elderly man every morning. When this dog sees me pull in the driveway as I get home from work, he stops in his tracks and stares like, "Oh bleep...I hope that fat black dog doesn't come charging out of that garage like freakin' Cujo. If he does you're on your own old man!"

Good or bad, we love Howard. He may be a bastard, but he is our bastard. We love you boy. Here's to all the times Brad had to sit on top of you and hold you down to make you mind.

Relaxing

Why am I resting under the Christmas tree you ask? Because I'm Howard, the best damn Christmas gift ever. Take that you evil kitty cats.

Howard? Do You Want A Bath???

The things I put up with. I bet those damn kitties don't go through this.

Howard's Bad Habits

Sometimes...

I just can't help myself.

For the Love of Bacon

Put that camera down and give me the bacon.

Pedi Paws

Howard: Pedi Paws = Hate
Brad: Pedi Paws = Not bad

Why Dogs Bite People

So help me

if my owners

ever

do this to me and photograph it...

Oh, wait, they did.

Demon Cats

Yesterday evening there was a kitty cat fight right outside my back fence. Screeching and hissing like damn demons had possessed them.

Fluffy and Bug Boy

One eye on the camera...one eye on the cat.

As you go about your day, remember one thing, just because cats look fluffy and cute does not mean they are innocent! In fact, if you let Fluffy out to roam the neighborhood to poop in my owner's flower beds, then Fluffy is going down!

Damn, I've gotta run...the bug man is here to spray poison on our property! Perfect timing...just when I thought I could take my first mid-morning nap. My owners have no idea the evils I protect them from, and do I get any thanks for it? NO! All I hear is, "Howard, QUIET! Howard, NO! Howard, bad boy!" Ungratefulness.

Bug Boy, you are damn evil.

Welcome to My Dog Blog

Sonofa B!

Hello, my name is Howard. Welcome to my dog blog. You may be asking yourself, why would a dog have a blog? What does a dog have to say? Let me tell you, in my 10 years of life I have lived more than most people do in their 70+ years.

As a young pup taken too early from my mom, I endured the harsh Arizona landscape...fighting against all kinds of evils. Snakes, scorpions, road runners, coyotes, wild rabbits, and quail. Those quails may look innocent, but they are evil I tell you!

While living in Arizona I would get breaks to Santa Barbara, California, where my owners had a boat in the harbor. You have no idea the evils that lurked there as well. Seals...those effers bark just like I do! But they swim and go under the water. They taunted me every chance they got. Seagulls? PURE EVIL. I even killed one in front of the Santa Barbara Yacht club during their Wet Wednesday sailboat races. My owner wasn't too happy about that, but he doesn't realize how evil the seagull really is. I was protecting his ungrateful ass.

Then my owners decided they would move me to the mid west. I loved it! It was as cold as Arizona is hot, and the snow, oh the snow! How I loved the snow. But there are evils lurking there too. Namely, squirrels. Those little bastards are pure evil I tell you! They scurry around just to piss me off. I know it. However, the squirrel is not nearly as evil as my arch enemy, the wicked cat. My first encounter with the evil cat found me out of my mind with rage, where I nearly ran into the neighbors house before a door was slammed in my face. That cat was lucky, but it continued to torment me every chance it got. No wonder they call wimps 'pussies,' because that cat would only harass me when I was safely behind the doors of my own home. Un-freakin-believable.

Now I am living in northern California, land of the fruits and nuts, and cows. I hate those evil smelly beasts. Only something evil could smell that bad. You cows make me bark at you like a maniac with just a whiff of you. Strangely, you taste much better than you smell. It is also home to many, many cats. As you can see by this picture my owner snapped, the cats in my neighborhood are especially evil. They prance around on the fence tops right in front of me in my own backyard. EVIL!!!!!!!!!!

I have traveled thousands of miles and I have 10 years of wisdom to draw upon. I have a lot to say, and there is no holding me back now with my very own dog blog. Take that you evil cats! No one would read a cat blog, and if they would then they are pure evil.