Should I or shouldn't I?

I just look so damn handsome in this picture.

As Julie types this, I am laying in my back with all four legs in the air. I feel the need to air out once in awhile. What can I say? It has been awhile since I've had a bath, which is A Okay with me! I like to stink.

One issue I need to discuss on my blog is the fact that I need more walks. I currently get two walks a day, which is up from just one a day not too long ago. I basically pester the you know what out of Brad until he gives in and takes me. Heh heh. Question is, should I go for three?

I don't know that I need a third walk a day, but the power I get from demanding and getting my way is addicting. I cannot explain it. I just get high from it.

What to do?

A Pig on a Beach

Brad and Julie Griswold have been at it again. While I was at home keeping a close eye out for the orange kitty who thinks my backyard is some kind of extreme adrenaline rush for him, they got to see this. Oh. MY. Word. I would have totally lost my sh...ahem...composure if I saw this effer on the beach. Who takes a pot-bellied pig to the beach? It is just all kinds of wrong. Beaches are for dogs and humans. NOT farm animals, and certainly not KITTIES.

I hate kitties.

With all the traveling and whatnot, Julie has been ignoring my blog. How am I supposed to become famous I ask you?

I am so neglected.

Poor shiny-coated, magnificent, bastard that I am.

The Griswold's Are At It Again!

I was blindsided last Wednesday. BLINDSIDED!!! The day started off like any other, and then wham! Out came the damn suitcase, and I knew I was doomed. Brad and Julie took off again, this time for the Pacific Northwest, and this is who I had to deal with while they were gone. In my own home no less!

I do not need this nonsense going on in my own castle. I am a king, and should not be forced to deal with young pups like Anabelle. Not to mention I am old! This could be detrimental to my health. I could have a stroke or myocardial infarction. I don't even know what an myocardial infarction is, but it sounds really bad and I don't want one!

Brad and Julie Griswold need to stay. at. home.

Watch Out!

Let me show you my teeth, just in case you don't think I mean business!

Happy 4th of July

Happy 4th of July to all you fine folks out there.
Basically just you Anonymous Commenter.

Wake Up Little Snoozy!

Julie took a nap this afternoon, and this is what she saw when she woke up. Sometimes I just sit and stare at Brad or Julie when I want them to wake up. I use my telekinetic powers, and it usually works.

As far as I am concerned, Brad and Julie should get their sleep at NIGHT. The daytime is my time to relax and nap. How can I let my guard down while they are napping? The kitties would take over, Effer would think he is in charge, and that yapping bastard next door would NEVER shut-up.

My job is never done. Being King is not easy. Trust me.

Letter of Concern

Dear Makers of Greenies:

Do you have any idea how disappointed I was to find out that you are now producing my most favorite, delicious treat for KITTIES?!?! Kitties do not deserve such pampering. Kitties are arrogant and unappreciative effers. Why would you even try to please them? They will not appreciate it. Whereas I snatch a Greenie out of my master's hand faster than you can blink, a cat most likely will sniff it and then walk by with their nose in the air. Then they sneak back later and take it. How is that for appreciation?

I am baffled, and this has rocked my world. Treats come few and far between for me, so I take my treats very seriously. I have a bit of a weight issue, and Greenies are my treat of choice to help keep me satisfied, yet not fatter. However, I now will look at my favorite treat and think of kitties, and I HATE kitties.

Will this keep me from eating Greenies? Most likely not, because they are just too damn good, but I'm still disappointed in you.

Sincerely,

Howard