The Orange Effer is a Vampire

I am feeling better and getting around a little better.  Must be that extra dose of glucosamine Brad is giving me.  Plus, since I was not eating, Brad has started giving me wet food with my dry food, and sometimes only wet food and I like that much better.  It is not easy being an old codger, and it ought to come with some benefits.

You know who else is an old codger?  I'll give you one guess...give up?  Of course, it's Orange Effer.  I think I saw a grey whisker in his beard the other day.  He was walking along the fence top prancing around like, "Look at me Howard.  I am so young and vibrant and you are so old and stiff-jointed!"

I willed that effer to trip over his own shadow, and when I barked through the screen door he dashed off like the true skeerdy cat he is, but before he got completely away I saw a flash of silver on the side of his ugly mug.
That being said, I think Orange Effer is like a vampire and has been around for centuries tormenting the likes of me.

Sporty Rig!

Don't need one of these yet!  No sir!  Brad increased my joint vitamins and perhaps it is helping.

Or

Perhaps it is pure hatred for The Orange Effer that has been lubricating my hip joints.  Typically hatred increases inflammation in one's body, however, in my case, it is having a reverse effect.  

Or

Maybe, it is because, I, Howard, the Magnificent Shiny Coated Bastard that I am, is not your typical pooch!

Thank the Lord, because I can only imagine the uproar Orange Effer would have if he saw me sporting this rig.  He'd take pictures and put them on Cat Tube and all of his evil cohorts would have a catty old time posting sarcastic remarks about me.  

Effers.

Cash For Keys - The Deuce Family Leaves

I have had a pretty good day today. It is very hard to get up, but once I am up, I'm up. I even ate two bowls of dog food today, and some of Julie's scrambled eggs this morning. Now, I am dictating this to Julie from the cold tile floor that Brad hates for me to lie down on. He hates it, because it is even harder for me to get up and he has to help me, and then I growl at him because, well, it is just what I do. It is like a scene from a Mexican Telenova really.

Anyway, my plan is to convince Julie that the eggs made all the difference in the world!!! So maybe I will get them everyday!!!

Orange Effer isn't going to be leaving. Sir-Barks-A-Lot next door lets me know what's up. Sir-Barks-A-Lot is as annoying as hell, but I've started making use of him to my benefit. I even thank him every now and then by pretending I am gonna fight him through the fence again. Really gets him pumped up and makes him feel tough, even though he is not. Sir-Barks-A-Lot is a lonely little feller.

The petrified poop forest from Deuce's house is cleaned up. The house was foreclosed on and the owners got cash for keys. Good riddance Deuce Family...you were never good enough for the Deuce anyway.

For Sare Bear

I am not doing so well. My back legs are really giving out, and all I want to eat are my treats. However, if Orange Effer crosses my path, I can still give him my best Chuck Norris effort. I have to say, I have been a fighter all of my life and that isn't going to change just because my old back legs don't work!

About two months ago my best dog friend ever, Sare Bear, passed over The Rainbow Bridge. She was as sweet and gentle as I am old and curmudgeonly. We met when she was two years old and I was about 3 months old. She drooled when she saw me, and really, who can blame her? I was so doggone cute and she would have been a good mama. She was the only dog who could ever put me in my place. I miss her and know that someday I will join her and we can play again like the pups we used to be not so very long ago. I can cross that bridge myself, knowing that she will be there to greet me.

Just this side of heaven is a place called Rainbow Bridge.

When an animal dies that has been especially close to someone here, that pet goes to Rainbow Bridge.
There are meadows and hills for all of our special friends so they can run and play together.
There is plenty of food, water and sunshine, and our friends are warm and comfortable.

All the animals who had been ill and old are restored to health and vigor; those who were hurt or maimed are made whole and strong again, just as we remember them in our dreams of days and times gone by.
The animals are happy and content, except for one small thing; they each miss someone very special to them, who had to be left behind.

They all run and play together, but the day comes when one suddenly stops and looks into the distance. His bright eyes are intent; His eager body quivers. Suddenly he begins to run from the group, flying over the green grass, his legs carrying him faster and faster.

You have been spotted, and when you and your special friend finally meet, you cling together in joyous reunion, never to be parted again. The happy kisses rain upon your face; your hands again caress the beloved head, and you look once more into the trusting eyes of your pet, so long gone from your life but never absent from your heart.

Then you cross Rainbow Bridge together....

For now, I take it one day at a time, but I have been wanting to put this poem on my blog in tribute to my beautiful friend, Sare Bear.

Train or Treat, Smell Orange Effer's Feet, Give Me Something Good to Eat!

Look! I found a picture of the Orange Effer Attacking a younger version of me! That Effer is trying to intimidate me via the Internets!!

Do you think it is unreasonable of me to demand treats when I go outside and come back in? I really don't think it is. In fact, sometimes I will just stick my nose out the door, turn around, and head straight for the treat pantry. Is that so wrong? I see nothing wrong with it, and if anything it just points to my ingeniousness.

Brad and Julie think they have ME trained, but I think I have THEM trained even better. Oh yeah!!! Bring on the treats.

I bet Orange Effer doesn't have his people trained, sorry effer that he is.

Orange Effer No More!

Julie has been very lackadaisical about updating my blog, and she knows I am at her mercy. I do not have thumbs and fingers that move so effortlessly across the keyboard, but doggone it if I did you would have lots of posts on here. Granted, many of them would be angry and harsh in nature, and might sound like the mind of a man holed up in a standoff against effers, mainly the Orange Effer, but I have my soft side too.

Orange Effers owners are moving. Do you remember The Duece? Well, I recently put two-and-two together and figured out that they also own The Orange Damn Effer. It figures such a rough family would own one evil cat as evil as Orange Effer. Mr. Duece came after Brad like a street fighter, and I literally lost control of my bladder when it happened, but not my bowels. They were fine.

I am not so sure the Orange Effer will be moving with his family. I think in his mind, he is thinking he can stick around here and still torment my daily existence. It will not happen. Oh no. It will not! I have a plan. Orange Effer, if you are reading this, I suggest you crawl back into that hole you hide out in.