Yogi and Boo Boo

Tuolumne Meadows in Yosemite, where my masters were WITHOUT me yesterday.

I cannot believe Brad and Julie went somewhere so beautiful without me. They mentioned some sort of cockamamie story about dogs not being allowed in the park and off they went like a couple of jet-setting fools.

I would have protected them from Yogi and Boo Boo while they ate their pic-a-nic lunch. I would also have bellyached the entire trip. I'm old. It's what I do.

I stayed at home and licked my boo boos all day long. Licking my boo boos is something I cannot do as much when Julie is home, because it drives her insane. If I do it in the dead of night when I think she is asleep, she will wake up long enough to hiss at me, "NO BOO BOOS HOWIE!" I stop licking of course, but only after I let out a long sigh to let her know I do not appreciate her reprimand.

Words I Love

Obedient Little Fella Even Back Then

Words I know:

Beach
Birdie
Mouse
Mission
Orchard
Seal
Cows
Home
Truck
Bye Bye
Julie's Home
Brad's Home
Stay in the yard
Let's go
Up
Stop
No
Quiet
Go night night
No barking
Kitty
Meow
Arr arr arr (seal bark)
Down
Ball
Get 'em
Duck
Get more (when they want me to drink water)
Ice
Treat
Did Timmy fall in the well?
Be nice
Are you hungry?
Do you want a bath?
Get in the tub!
Walk
Go be a good boy (when they want me to relieve myself)
Get in the house
Good boy! (that's my favorite)

The Dingo Ate Yo Bay Bay!

I am just speechless. Speech...less.

Is this pooch some kind of mixed breed dingo, who is a little off his rocker? Is he trying to make up for the bad press dingos got from the Meryl Streep movie, A Cry in the Dark? "The dingo ate yo bay bay!" I don't know, but whatever the case, I continue to be speechless.

Pooch Power

Last night I think Julie considered sending me to the pound. I'll admit it. I was naughty. I was one naughty, shiny coated magnificent bastard last night.

There is no shame in my game. None.

I was on effer watch all night long, because one Black and White Effer kept all the pooches in the neighborhood stirred up. It was a night where I felt such camaraderie with my fellow pooch neighbors, because we were all in it together. What choice did I have but to disrupt Brad and Julie's peaceful dreams with a dire, this is an emergency, get out of bed and let me at 'em bark?

I did not have a choice. Barking came so naturally as an animal instinct.

Can you believe it? The pure evilness that these kitties harbor in their very beings astounds me time after time. They tease and taunt and enjoy every minute of it, and I had damn well had it this morning when Brad let me out the door.

I may be a little portly, but I can run like a greyhound for approximately 3.2 seconds when need be, and let me tell you, Black and White Effer saw his life flash before his very eyes when he saw me coming. It was like all night long he laughed and mocked me, and said, "come get me fat boy," and I did. I showed him that fat boys can run.

I nicked that Effer's tail. He lost one of his 9 lives. One down, 8 to go!

P.S. Julie has forgiven me.

Howard the Happy Dog

Little Douce is chapping my hide. This guy is crazier than the last Douce. The last Douce tore his dog house down to the ground, and that was bad enough, but this little Douce...I don't know. He bangs and knocks around in his backyard at 2 o'clock in the morning. I mean, I know it is hot during the day, but what are they feeding him to give him so much energy at such an ungodly hour?

It sounds like he is throwing himself against the fence over and over and over again. Poor little fella. I know young pups have lots of energy and require lots of love, walks and attention, and little Douce gets none of that. I Howard, would not tolerate that. I would not last one day in those conditions.

Why, why, why do people want a dog to leave outside and never love on?

Get a cat that does not require as much affection.

Kitties + big bowl of food + water + litter box - attention = Happy Effer

Dog + big bowl of food + water + backyard - attention = Sad and Lonely Pooch

If you have a dog, and you plan on traveling with your beloved pooch, then I highly recommend you check this website out.

I'll do anything to keep the dog to cat ratio in balance, and that means more dogs than cats.

Hot Dog

Julie moved her elliptical machine to the back yard so that she could use it in the mornings or evenings when it is cooler, but Little Douce does not appreciate it. Not one bit. Little Douce barks and barks and barks, and quite frankly it puts me in a mood.

Other things that put me in a mood:

THIS HEAT WAVE

I am too old and black coated for a heat wave. Where is the cold, biting wind that invigorates me? Where is the snow that I can shovel around with my nose?

I will tell you this much, it is not here. It is going to be 101 tomorrow, and so help me I WILL go on my walk. I will go on my walk and dream of colder days to come.

At least I will have fresh, ice cold water waiting for me. At least Brad and Julie don't leave me out in the heat to roast like a marshmallow.

Can you believe the hair-brained things people do or do not do to their poor pets? The fact that someone would leave a dog in a hot car in this day and age just rankles me. Why wouldn't people be good to a creature who worships the ground they walk on, and acts like he hasn't seen them in 10 years each and every time they walk through the door?

Brad always says, "Dogs are better than humans..."

A Sweet Moment in Time

Black Kitty has been taking over for Orange Effer. I wonder where Orange Effer is? I hope he is okay.

What was I just thinking? Must be the heat getting to my head. It is soooo hot out there, but it doesn't keep me from getting my walks. Nosiree!

I need a vacation to Santa Barbara. I miss the boat days. When I was a young pup, I would make the Santa Barbara trip with Brad once in awhile. I would ride around with him in his little white Ford Ranger, while he called on his customers. I'd like to say I was always patient and behaved myself, but that would be a lie, and I Howard do not lie.

One of my favorite things to do was sit patiently when someone tried to walk up to the truck to pet me, and when they would get close enough, I would do my best Cujo impersonation. (Insert Mutley the cartoon dog laugh here)

Oh those were the days...I had a great routine. Start the day between 7 and 9 a.m. Stop by Brad's shop, and get a treat and pat on the head from the neighbor who just so happened to be Brad's dad. Drive around downtown Santa Barbara for awhile. Make a trip up to the Mission where I would get a little walk. If it started to get hot after that, I would be really, really naughty so that Brad would know it was time to take me to the boat for a nap.

On the boat, I would nap in the nice cool ocean breeze listening to sails clanging against the masts. The garlicky, sweet smells coming from Brophy's and Stearns Wharf gently scenting the air.

Around 5 p.m. or so Brad would come back and get me, and then take me on a nice long walk along the breakwater. I loved that walk, except on Wet Wednesdays when the yacht club did their racing. The gun shots would always scare me. So would the seals that occasionally swam around in the harbor. I mean, fish are not supposed to bark, right?

Back to the boat we would go, where Brad would grill up something delicious and share it with me. Then we would hang-out on the deck of the boat and watch the sun go down before turning in for the night.

It was heaven for me. A sweet moment in time.

Howard + Fireworks - Walk = Neurotic Mess

I am so glad that we live in California and the freaking fireworks are over for another year. When we lived in Illinois, those damn looney effers would shoot off fireworks almost every night until September. Not the little kinds you light off in front of your house, as if those are not bad enough, oh no, those Illinoisans would shoot off big, light up the sky, make me think I am in Baghdad, fireworks.

Must of been a Blagojevich thing. Talk about a looney effer! Don't get me wrong, I did love Illinois and the lush green lawns, and snow, oh the snow. All the snow ALMOST makes up for the fireworks, but fireworks are in the forefront of my mind at this time so please excuse the tad bitterness I harbor. You don't mind if I blame it on Blago, do you? Better than the innocent people of Illinois, right?

Anyhoo...I did not get a walk last night, because I was waaaaayyyyyy too riled up.

Howard + Fireworks - Walk = Neurotic Mess.

It was a night made in hell I tell you! Yes, you heard me, HELL.

Brad made up for it tonight though. He took me on a nice long walk, in the heat no less, and I am all tuckered out and ready for bed. I love my naps, and I love my peaceful nights sleep without the disturbance of fireworks.